Story 1
Ah Lian asked the shopkeeper, "Eh Ah chek, you sell stocking up to knee boh?"Ah Chek replied, "Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"
Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her.So, there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored theaccelerator.The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post. "Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!" screamedAh Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai seh lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy water to make room for women and children.
To the British, he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian were at the army supply base to collect underwear.The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many und erwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti"(In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song.The "Ah Bengs" were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming the DJ was insulting them.The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that they were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
Story 6
Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm". During the interview, Mr.Lee looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for a whil e and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife."And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. Lee's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!"So Lee KY told the bad news to Sant!a Singh about his rejection.Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and requested for another interview and Lee said, "Look Santa, I have already told you that we only hire......."When Santa Singh interrupted him and said, "I know, I know. I have just changed my name."Lee looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your new namethen?"On this, Santa Singh replied, "Surname Lee, last name, Manga!" (Manga-Li)
*Adapted from an email. It was kinda funny.. so, generous ME decided to share it with all of my loyal supporters(of my blog la.. ;p)
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